Covid-19. I think we’re all sick of hearing about it, but the truth is it’s impacting all of us in one way or another.

I just really wanted to publish this post today to explain why I’ve taken, and am taking, a bit of a break from blogging. To be honest, with all that is going on, my anxiety is through the roof. It all still feels so surreal to me and I feel like I’m going to wake up and it’d all have been a bad dream, but unfortunately that isn’t going to be the case.

My knee surgery had been rescheduled for Wednesday this week, but obviously in light of everything going on it has been cancelled (for the third time) for the foreseeable future. I totally understand the need to cancel it with the virus putting a strain on the NHS as it is, but I find it so frustrating that we had two chances to get it over with before Coronavirus really kicked off and that’s what I find so infuriating as I’d be recovering now.

Knowing I’m in the ‘at risk’ category for Coronavirus, and how much any ‘normal’ illnesses knock me sideways, I have to take every precaution I can in order not to contract this. This has meant I’ve had to go into ‘self isolation’ for the whole of this week and will have to remain that way for the foreseeable future until this all calms down. My Mum & Dad are now home from work for various reasons and so this means they leave the house as little as possible in order to reduce the risk of infecting me, and we are unable to have any visitors. The anxiety of what’s going on for me is unbearable as it is, but then my mental health isn’t helped further by not being able to leave the house or really hugely distract myself.

The thing is, I’ve had plenty of periods of time where I’ve been unable to leave my house or a hospital when I’m too unwell, but I think it’s the fact that I know I can’t, even if I just want someone to take me for a walk around the block when I feel up to it, and that’s what’s making me feel almost chlaustrophobic.

I’m struggling. I just have to remember this is for my own good, and however long it takes, this too shall pass. I’m doing what I can indoors to keep some sort of a routine and distract myself as much as possible although my concentration is very poor. I’m limiting what news I watch, I’m trying to find short episodes of programmes to hold my attention, I do training with Jeffrey, but this virus is constantly at the back of my mind.

Thank you so much to those of you who messaged, checked up on me & asked if there was anything they could do to help. Those gestures really have gone a long way and I’m so grateful. I can’t wait for all of this to be over and for normality to resume, but until then please take care, stay safe and if you need anyone, even just for a chat, I’m always here.

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