Do you ever just take a step back from things and feel totally lost in the situation, with absolutely no idea where to go from here? That’s how I feel right now.
As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve found out I’m severely anaemic, deficient in folate, with an abnormal thyroid reading, and so some other blood tests have also been carried out which I’m waiting for the results for. It has been agreed that I can have an iron infusion to top my levels up, but unfortunately I have to wait for a referral to haematology for that. Yet here I am, stuck in the middle, barely with the energy to move myself off of the sofa some days. I can start the folic acid tablets, although I’m not sure how much of it I’ll actually be able to absorb.
This week I also had my long awaited ‘Gastric Emptying Study’ at The Royal London Hospital, which I was so hopeful would give us some answers, or prove a diagnosis of Gastroparesis which we would be able to start managing. I had to stop all anti-sickness tablets for the test, meaning that I was back to throwing absolutely every single thing I ate back up. I went for the test on Tuesday, and within barely anytime at all I started to vomit, and was sick so much the test had to be aborted. I’m having to have these tests due to the vomiting, yet they aren’t suitable if you vomit… it just doesn’t make sense?! I’m not seeing the consultant there until the 29th November so I’ve got a long wait now, and I have no idea where we will go from here, everything just takes so long. My body is getting used to the strongest anti-sickness medication and I’m taking increasingly greater doses for it to have any impact.
Here I am, with no energy, sleeping for way more of the day than I’m awake for, with deficiencies I’m unsure how to correct and relying on strong tablets with severe side effects in an attempt to keep any food down. This isn’t how I imagined my life, this isn’t how things should be. UCLH seem to have hit a wall with trying to help me, and so now all my hope for the gastro side of things is with The Royal London and my appointment on 29th November – it can’t come quickly enough. Fatigue is horrendously debilitating, and I’m just unable to live my life like this. I’m always willing to help myself, but I genuinely just do not know which way to turn at the moment, everything feels like a losing battle.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt like this, but if there is anyone else in a similar position I just want to let you know you don’t have to face this alone; my inbox is always open. I genuinely can’t see a way forwards from here, I just don’t know how things will get better, but I know I’ve got to keep going. However, at the moment, I’m lost.